It is tough enough these days just to go downtown for a loaf
of bread without some Zombie going for a bite of your arm, neck or worse. When
I was young we only had a few Nights of the Living Dead. Now, I look around and
all I see are Zombies. With the latest explosion in Zombieism one must be
prepared to stand up firmly on the side of surviving, no matter what it may
take. So, you have all your defensive tactics accounted for, a loaded shot gun
with 1000 shells, plenty of grenades, a stock pile of rockets for your launcher
and an AK 47. But, do you have anything for offense? Well, let me share this
with you. As you can see from my photo above, a quick dash here and there along
with an occasional 5K or marathon to elude those entities seeking to devour my
flesh, I am alive and well. I owe it all to www.footmindbody.com and their custom
insoles fabricated from impressions of each of my feet. They keep my feet
comfortable when I am jumping over quantities of half eaten, discarded body
parts. These custom insoles improve my performance. I have raised my voice in
anger to many a zombie, “Catch me if you can!” and they can’t. Their footwear looks
so horribly uncomfortable, bloodstained and all. Occasionally I have to leap
from a building to escape a horde of hungry blood sucking, maggot faced, morbid
molesters. Good thing my custom insoles have 100% contact with my foot for
greater impact dispersion to ease my landing and assist my escape. When I am not leaping from buildings, I
typically, for a good laugh, like to harass these mindless, spleeny, ill
nurtured, malt worms by simply zigzagging through a hovering, hellacious herd
of Zombie clan. This, of course, would not be possible without the superb arch
support and outstanding stability my custom insoles allow for. Ever wonder why
these roguish, ruthless, rude reeling, onion- eyed, rodent eating Zombies are
so slow? It is because they do not have the intelligence to order their own
pair of custom insoles. And even if they did, they would not wear them because
performance, comfort, stability, relief from sore muscles and foot pain would
confuse them greatly and interfere with their unbalanced behavioral staggers
and overall clumsiness. And, if they knew that my custom insoles kill bacteria
and fungi they would not eat those insoles. Just as I prefer my toast with jelly,
these Zomboys and Zomgals like their insoles with fungi, the more the
better. So to all the pribbling,
ill-breeding, pox-marked, skin peeling, organ suckers, I have one thing to say,
“Catch me if you can!”
Thank you FootMindBody.com
John R Allison
